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It's eight a.m. and I'm by Lake Taupo, eating a petrol station mince pie - I'm taking a quick break before driving on to Kawhia's Maori food festival. My friend Belinda's asked me to grab a pumice stone or two for her garden, so I move to the shore to hunt for some decent sized stones. I spy two shapes on the lake; they see me and start drifting, inexorably, towards me. With a grim sense of foreboding, I focus on them knowing what they are and what they want.
Black swans. My pie.
Suddenly, I know what it must of felt like for the inhabitants of Alderaan as the Death Star moved relentlessly through space towards their planet. I down the remnants of my pie in one gulp, and hastily grab at pumice stones as I make my way back towards the car.
They make landfall. Setting foot on shore, they stand and flex their large, suffocating wings, and fix me with a supercillious glare, affronted by my presence but desirous of my pie. They move towards me, blood-coloured beaks ready to strike like a conquistador's sword.
But I'm in my car, pumice stones on the floor next to me. I sneer at them as I gun the engine and tear off up the road. Nasty, sinister things, black swans - fit only for one thing if you ask me... Onwards to the west coast and Kawhia.
I'm visiting Kawhia's second annual traditional Maori food festival. Last year, this town of 650 people played host to ten thousand visitors. Kai is the principal feature of the event, accompanied by music, kapahaka groups and dance. There are stalls selling and displaying crafts as well. This is a popular cultural event and serves as a showcase for Maori cuisine, both traditional and modern.
Driving over here is a treat. The land is lush and green, easy on the eye after the dry, brown pastures of Hawkes Bay. After what seems like hours of driving on a long, windy main road (change up, change down, change up...), you're met with a view of the harbour and with the sun climbing the sky, this coastal town looks charming and inviting. There's a long queue of cars ahead of me, crawling into town - this event is huge. Parking spaces come at a premium - there are cars on the footpaths, people's front yards - every spare inch is covered. After driving through this busy town, I surrender and end up driving back to its entrance and park next to the main drag, along with the rest of the town's visitors who weren't so fortunate. As I'm locking my car, an SUV passes and arms are thrust out, waving madly - they're friends I haven't seen in a while and I wave back, surprised and pleased. New Zealand is very small.
Rewena bread! I spend a few minutes talking to the ladies at the stall about their technique - I need to keep baking until it becomes second nature. Practise makes perfect. Their bread tastes sweet and with jam, it's delectable!
Huhu grubs! A TV crew from Mai Time hovers expectantly as people down these critters.
That age-old traditional Maori dessert, watermelon and ice cream.
It wasn't all food - there were carving displays, moko demonstrations and exhibitions of weaving. The festival itself opened with a dramatic haka and karakia and mihi. Raukura Hauora o Tainui, the local health services provider had an information tent, as did Te Wananga o Aotearoa, the multi-campus tertiary institution. There were stalls selling t-shirts, tattoos, lollies, arts and crafts, chips and hot dogs, coffee and the ubiquitous Mr Whippy.
It was a fantastic day. The weather was perfect (I got sunburnt), the crowd was happy and friendly, the food plentiful, varied and filling. This is an annual event and I really encourage you to go, so mark it in your diary for next year. As much as I love the Marlborough and Martinborough wine and food festivals, the sheer lack of pretension, not to mention the absence of drunk, boorish middle-class prats makes this absolutely refreshing, and most importantly, fun! No black swans, either...
A big thank you to the Kawhia police constable and his instruction in the use of a coat hanger in gaining access to my car keys...